Another letter from La Baroness was sent to convention attendees and you know how much I love her character, so here it is:
**text is property of Integrity Toys**
Well, hello my pets!
I don’t need to tell you who this is, you know already of course, c’est moi.
Quite a week it’s been on the convention front. I’m here with Alain in his
underground sweatshop, ahem, I meant office. We are surrounded by 90 nude males
at the moment who just received a generous, thick coating of flocking on their
heads. Alain tells me it’s for his workshop at the Gene Convention. If you ask
me, Baroness Agnes Von Weiss (sorry, just had to, I love to see my name in
print), I think it’s all very strange… All those identical male figures lined
up in rows, they look like pod people if you ask me! They seem to be saying
“Take us to your leader” and “On our home world, clothing is optional, let’s
party!”. This Baroness feels a little overwhelmed at the moment, if not a
little flushed like southern belle Blanche Deveraux in the Golden Girls (do you
know her? She’s fabulous!). Wait ’till Alain releases pictures of this after the
Gene Convention (it’s top secret right now). It’s wonderful!! Never a “doll”
moment around here! Ha! I even did a little posing of my own with those
“giants”… A girl’s gotta have her fun while her “master” is too busy working
to properly worship her like he’s supposed to!!
Speaking of fun, Alain and I just sent out our first poll. It’s kind of random,
we know, but just roll with us on this one my daaaaarlinnngggssss… If our evil
plan works out, we will achieve world domination, ahem, I mean have fun at the
convention. You see, I’m constantly looking for ways to amaze you, mind you, I
know it’s pretty hard, my presence alone should be enough to achieve that goal.
But life would be a little boring if I didn’t try, still. I know you agree with
me. Just say it.
So I see that our good little friend David’s been posting here about the
Design-a-Doll Studio. Interesting. Did I ever tell you the story of the closet I
found in the skeleton (or is that the other way around???) at Rufus Blue’s
Thrift Shop? It was simply ghastly. There I was, a Baroness, minding my
business, trying to look cool and hip (OK OK read younger than my age and trying
to fit in with the Dynamite Girls, but they’re a little short for me, I must
admit) when I came across this 1986 Zebra printed dress with one neon green sock
and pink lame detail around the top edges. Now that’s what I call a skeleton in
a closet! Rufus Blue informed me that she had gotten it from the estate sale of
a former rock star who was very popular in cartoons at the time. The singer in
question, who’s stage name shall remain nameless to protect her identity (but
since I’m certain no one here really knows her, I’ll tell you her real name was
Phyllis Gabor) had a huge 80’s neon green hairdo and a voice that sounded like a
pack of screeching hens on a good day. Of course, I had to buy it just for
giggles… I kind of regret my decision now, I was kicked out of the party I
wore it to and got served by the fashion police for crime against fashion.
Baroness was sad. Not good. When Baroness sad, people suffer in dungeon of big
Austrian Castle. People better worship Baroness at all times or else.
Ha, feels great to be me…
Too de loo…
Your lovely Agnes